A day in the life of Pargan
by Prezal
Summary: My first fic, please r / r. Language Warnings just to be safe... How it's like to be the sad butler who drives the pink limo... lots of Relena bashing!!!!


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, it is owned by Sunrise, perhaps I'll be rich enough  
br to own it someday?!  
p  
iA Day in the Life of Pargan/ip  
Author's Note: I wonder how it's like for the poor sap who has to put up with the s*it Relena   
puts him through. LOTS OF RELENA BASHING!!!!!!pbr  
5:00 amp  
"Damn it! Still not dead... thought I took enough sleeping pills... what the hell!!!!  
SWEET TARTS!!! DAMN!!!!" Pargan's first reaction when he woke up to live another day in his   
now pitiful life. "One hour till the b*tch wakes up..." (Pargan suddenly shudders in disgust)  
"I wonder what Miss Queen of the World has in mind..." Pargan thought. (Retorical Question, do not answer)  
Pargan left his Slave Quarters and up into the kitchen to make breakfast.  
p  
6:00 amp  
"Good Morning Miss Relena", Pargan said with a fake grin, knowing inside he wanted to kill Relena  
for not giving him a day off since she met that boy (I wonder who?) who wants to kill her also.  
p  
"It's a wonderful day today isn't it Pargan?", Relena said with a annoying smirk.   
p  
"Yes, it is a good day, your breakfast is ready", Pargan replied.  
p  
"Do you hack into Heero's files and find out where he is today?", Relena annoyingly asked.  
p  
"Yes (Put in any adjective to describe the skank). Heero is supposed to be battling your brother on the North Pole (creative) over  
Zech's gambling debts." Pargan said.  
p  
As Relena finished breakfast (alone like the loner she is), she muttered, "I'm gonna bag me a husband today."  
p  
Pargan thought, "Why didn't the boy kill her already, I could've retired damn it!"  
p  
9:00 am (It takes time to fly to the North Pole)  
p  
"Are you sure flying a plane into a mobile suit battle is wise, Miss Relena?", Pargan asked.  
p  
"Shut up and do your job! You do as I tell you to do and FLY!!!! How dare you question my intentions?  
If it wasn't for your lack of balls, Herro would be in the plane right now." Relena (the bitch) responded.  
p  
30 minutes later  
p  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"p  
Terror shivered through Pargan, Heero and Zechs! The yell seemed to crack the deep ice below! "Oh my god... ", Pargan muttered.  
The battle stopped and Herro yelled, "What the hell do you want? I should kill you right now... "  
p  
"Uh oh", Pargan thought. Herro aimed Wing Zero Custom's Double Beam Cannon right at the plane. Pargan attempted to  
steer the plane away from the battle but Relena restrained Pargan from flying the plane.  
p  
"What the hell is wrong with you?!", Pargan screamed, "you want to die don't you?!"  
p  
"Yes... Heero... KILL MEEEE!!!!!", Relena screamed out.  
p  
Wing Zero Custom's cannon was charging up. "S*HIT!!!!!!!", Pargan thought. Immediately his adrenaline   
rushed and managed to steer the plane away before Heero fired a big ass blast that seemed to go out of this world  
perhaps blowing up a colony on the way. (Note: Relena must die but innocent bystanders cannot)  
p  
"How dare you Pargan! If the Peacecrafts didn't have you as a butler, you'd so be fired right now!" Relena fumed.  
p  
12:00 Lunch Time  
p  
Pargan was yet again going into the degrading situation of driving the PINK limo! (Note: Oh god! the humanity)  
"Pargan! Your disregard for my desires disgusts me. Flying away from Heero... if I never see him again, I'll KILL you!!!" Relena bitched.  
p  
"The sooner the better", Pargan muttered.  
p  
"We're going to find Heero, I know he's here somewhere, I don't care if we have to roam Africa, I will find him and take back WHAT IS MINE!!!!!!!" Relena yelled,  
"Oh look, there he is now!" Just then Heero starts running for dear life (can't blame him). "After him Pargan!!!!"  
p  
Heero runs out of sight. Relena and Pargan go out to look. They see a boy holding a pizza box to his face. Relena thinks otherwise of this boy until she sees the gun.  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOO!!!!!!!" The boy starts to take off, leaping over cars, with Relena pushing cars over with SUPERHUMAN strength. (RUN HEERO RUN!!!!)  
"Why me!? I have to work for a obsessive psycho path! I should be playing CANASTA right now.", Pargan muttered under his breath.  
Pargan sees Heero escape into a back alley and Relena saddened cried out "HEEEEEEEERRROOO!!!!" and cried like a baby and caused a scene. "This of all days is more embarrassing than the last." Pargan thought.  
"Shouldn't you eat lunch?" Pargan asked.  
p  
"Forget Lunch. Lunch sucks. WHY DO YOU RUN AWAY?! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!!!!!", Relena started screaming, wolves can be heard from a distance.p  
Pargan wanted to laugh his ass off but he knew, Relena would kill him.   
p  
3:00 pm  
p  
In the limo:  
p  
"Pargan, I want to go the Heero's apartment. We're gonna surprise him when I confront him and then he's gonna have to marry me!", Relena said.  
p  
"You know he lives in the run down district of the city that's worse than the ghetto." Pargan replied. Yet deep down he wanted the damn PINK limo to be stolen so the   
fellow butlers in his "group" won't call him a fag.   
p  
20 minutes later:  
p  
Relena was estatic, "Finally, we're in Heero's complex. My what a big rat. It's so cute. (Dumb girl)" As she went to pet the rat it nearly bit off her fingers! Pargan thought  
"why do I get to work for the dumb crazy ones." Pargan thought. Pargan asked Relena if they would take the stairs. Relena elected to go on the elevator (really old elevator) while Pargan used the stairs. "Need the excercise", he said.  
"Finally a minute without the bitch yelling in my ears "HEEEEEERRRRRRROOOO"." Pargan thought. As he was walking up the stairs he could hear metal wire snapping and a really, really large THUD sound. The elevator broke and Relena was finally killed.  
Pargan started laughing "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Suddenly to his disillusion, Relena sprints up the stairs and starts screaming at Pargan.  
p  
"The elevator broke and I thought I was dead, but there was this infestation of rats and they broke my fall......"  
p  
4:30 pm  
p  
"... imagine Heero's reaction when I tell him what happened. Heero, Heero..."  
p  
10 minutes later  
p  
"..... Heero!!!! Can't wait to see Heero!!!"  
p  
"DIE B*TCH DIE!!!!" was Pargan's reaction to the non stop bullshit Relena spewed the past 100 minutes!  
Pargan and Relena were then waiting at the door to Heero's apartment waiting for him to show up.   
p  
5:00 pm  
p  
"Heero should be off work at the Preventers", Relena sighed. At last, they hear footsteps. Relena dashes and clamps onto Heero! "Can't breathe!" Heero reacted.  
p  
"Get off my BOYFRIEND!" screamed a mystery girl.  
p  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" reacted Relena, "I'll kill you SYLVIA NOVENTA!!!!!!" (WOW SHOCKER!!!) Relena reaches for her purse and pulls out a gun. She  
aimed it at Sylvia, fired.... "DAMN IT!!!! No bullets!!! I'll kill you tomorrow." As Pargan and Relena left Heero's apartment, Relena broke down in tears and  
pouted like a little girl.  
p  
7:30 pm  
p  
On the long ride back to the Sank Kingdom, Pargan can hear Relena crying and talking to herself, referring herself as "Mrs. Yuy". (Crazy!)  
Pargan could only laugh since the skanky hoe tried so hard and realized that Heero found a girl who's better than Relena in every way. When at the Sank Kingdom, Pargan served Relena her dinner (where the hell is Relena's mom?!), she pouted again, and  
Pargan let her be, he thought, "so this is what my life will be like everyday until I die." Pargan left for his quarters and phoned Zechs.  
p  
"We need to talk about Relena." Pargan said.  
p  
"Is she that insane? Heero should've finished her off when he had the chance. Oh and by the way, I spoke with the doctors. They should pick Relena up tomorrow morning.  
We're gonna blast her into space and hope she doesn't fly near a colony. Heero's idea. By the way, did you know that Heero proposed to Sylvia?! My god..." Zechs spoke.  
p  
Pargan then yelled out, "RELENA!!!! Heero's going to marry Sylvia, AND I QUIT!!!!!!"  
p  
Screams came from Relena's room soon after and can be heard throughout the entire house. The next day Our friend  
Pargan was playing Canasta and shuffleboard at the recreation centre. He looked 15 years younger for some reason?! What about Relena?   
The doctors did pick up Relena after all. Heero was there, with Sylvia, with a... BABY!? (More Relena Torture) Relena was floating in space drifting... drifting, towards the SUN!!!!!!   
p  
The End!!!!  
p  
Prez_al: So Heero, how was that?   
p  
Heero: Mildly Amusing, I should've killed Relena personally... but I can kill you.  
p  
(Prez_al starts running like hell)  
Authors note: Relena bashing supremo!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  



End file.
